Soulignment

Soulignment

I question to myself numerous times what really got me into running.  Superficially, it seems simple to address: continual improvement, the pace stimulating, outdoor activity, races to engage, keeps health in check, the challenge, the list goes on.   Specific to the challenge of the road race, felt like a catch phrase, to assume that was in itself rewarding.    A city street or park pathway that can change utility for a staged event.  A stage that can be entertaining, social and supportive for the community.  The solace in supporting a charity demonstrates purpose of the social fabric.  I am in a whirlwind of accepting any potential advantage as my inspiration for running.

I nevertheless feel empty... I cannot come up with owning up to antiquity of a single road racing event.  My main interest over-arches the singularly point of time performance feedback.

Why the constant hunger for timed performance metrics used as a statistic feeding my growth?  The statistics elicited improvement expressed as a set of personal bests all congruent of my commitment.   The personal best milestones I achieve provides personal assessment, integrating into a lifestyle.

There are so many advantages to the lifestyle, but again, I find there is something even deeper which keeps me so interested, so engaged.  Beyond these entertaining stage performances, advantages to the life style and feedback loops ... ... ... ...

It dawned on me recently why I immersed myself into the running world.

I am in the dark.

Apart from celebrating racing performances to reinforce my current personae, in the end, it is only momentary, pressing forward to the next milestone, next achievement, next personal best.  Celebrating as if clarity of my persona has been achieved, how defined in the light.  Training plans, coaching, measured diets, disciplined workouts, all providing guidance, providing light, harnessing permanence.

Breath

There is a concept of a soul and a concept of a spirit.  Are they the same, twins or multi-faceted extensions to my persona.  When I run, I am sure my spirit, or a spirit is exclusive, reserved for separate exploration.  The steadfast and experience of everything, that is always dealing with the elements of the world, dealing with the day to day... I can potentially understand that as my soul to which my various persona come and go and change.

Some persona become irrelevant, such as the persona discovered and pushed into the consciousness of others, while other personae change priority with a changing aging world.  What if, that persona is impermanent, not part of this world, out of touch with reality.  What if, the soul is all that is real and all else are tools, even our own selves we use as our own tools.  So then, why would I even attempt to impose my personal bests to my persona that is fleeting...  Personal bests then are my feedback to teach me capability to move beyond my persona to something more tangible.

The word "Soul" has so many connotations with breath.   At all levels of running, whether a personal best or a regular tempo, in it's essence is my only opportunity of controlled breath.

It is only through running that I can align with my physical limitations and find boundaries, that do not readily align with my ego.   It is only through running that I can become more aware of what is my most comfortable pace to handle a strenuous activity.  I am able to maintain my engagement with the elements of this world as I keep aligned with my capabilities.

The reason why I feel I keep coming back to running over and over is because those moments I am aligned.  But that alignment is real and I only get to experience that reality those moments I am pacing with the elements and understanding there are places I am going that my persona is not in control.  There are places that my tools do not have the leverage and power that I assumed must have existed.

I learn from this to listen to my body more, to quieten my directed thinking to what is directing me, ultimately, to listen to something more real than the noise I am creating... to listen to my soul... through my breath.  

I align to what is most real and that answers my question why I am immersed in the running world.